Posts from ‘June, 2010’

As if watching the real thing wasn’t damning enough, here’s all the dismal play (from the England team at least), from that harrowing game. Watching it in LEGO makes it all look rather cute and entertaining. Maybe in the next World Cup England could substitute their players for LEGO men? Just an idea for the [...]

No doubt you have so much talent you’re overwhelmed by it, leaving you an inert slob stagnating in front of a computer screen. Well it’s time to stand proud and show the world the creative slob you really are. If you can juggle rice while playing the banjo with your teeth, the world needs to [...]

It’s time to hear the lamentation of the Arnie. Oh yes, Arnie’s breakthrough movie gets the musical treatment. But don’t worry, it’s still a story set in a mythical Hyborian Age of sword and saucery, with epic haircuts and Trees of Woe. Coming to a Broadway theatre near you soon. (Pretty please?)

Time paradoxes are the worst. First your future self turns up looking all cool and futuristic. Then you end up sleeping with your own mother before inadvertently starting the robot apocalypse by accidentally destroying a microwave. Jeez.

Now this is an achievement. Forget getting to the play-offs for the World Cup, I want to see a kid on his 10th birthday put on 215 pairs of underpants to set a new world record. Now that’s a role model.

Just look at this, look how cute those little guinea pigs are. Bless, dressed up in their little clothes like furry Barbie dolls. They look good enough to eat. But no one would be so barbarous, not after they had their little hats on. Wait…dude, sick!

If there’s one thing that can match the comedic heights of ball-in-groin it’s fat people falling over. Average sized people falling over is funny, fat people falling over is funny to the power of burger. Ho. Ho.

If you dance like nobody’s watching, then this happens. Someone videos your idiot self jigging about like you’re having some kind of fit, and then everybody watches the video and you become known as King of Douchebags. So, don’t dance like nobody’s watching. Because we are, and we have cameras.

One minute you’re annoying your better half at a restaurant table with your nonsensical chopstick tapping, the next you’re in a recording studio laying down the foundations for a game changing, fame giving album. This is the power of the chopstick, and this is its story.

Here it is, and it’s a good one. The lesson? Don’t fuck with Chuck.

This is, like, soooo true. Except where’s the weeping profusely after fapping panel? Anyone? Hello…?
? Hello…?

Shield your eyes, for it’s the psychotropic experience that is Jox McRox. And this time he’s bionic. In this season of soccer who better than this orange-afro haired, pot-bellied Scotsman to take to the field, rapping, rhyming, DJing, wooing the laydeez, and blinding us with his skillz. Your World Cup just got better.

So, the vuvuzela, a contentious issue, the Marmite factor of the World Cup, you love it or hate it. Personally, I’d rather hear the distraught cries of starving orphans and the squelch of kittens being crushed by frightened elephants, but I suppose if you were to defend them they bring instant atmosphere. Dan Bull doesn’t [...]

If it wasn’t for the dependence on coffee that these executives are hooked on this disaster would never have happened. I blame the Queen of England for that poisonous slick of coffee over that beautiful table. Damn her eyes!

The English started their World Cup campaign in typical fashion, a nation’s hopes were dashed against the ragged rocks of brutal lame-footed reality. I think a whole nation was pulling an OMG Cat face as Robert Green fumbled England’s chances of a win. As that ball fell out of his hands, a nation’s jaw dropped, [...]

So rock gods go to heaven too? I hope so. And what about food? Does food go to heaven? Like rice, does that go to heaven? Those god botherers certainly are a confusing bunch.

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